Motherhood can be very lonely. Sometimes I just feel like having an adult conversation with someone other than my parents or my husband – someone who is going through the same thing I’m going through at this stage in my life.
There are tons of books and articles available nowadays to get advice from, but I have come to realize that Honest Mother Advice is the best! Contrary to what you might be thinking, you should not feel guilty about asking for help, you are not superwoman, and all those super mama feelings you had when you were pregnant is far from reality. Every new mama needs a fairy mama friend who can help her adapt to all the ups and downs of motherhood, and remind her to take care of herself when sh#* hits the fan.
Mia and I got pregnant at the same time, only 3 weeks apart. No, we did not plan it together, but yes it has definitely been a blessing for the both of us! We spent days and nights wondering how our lives were going to change, what our babies were going to be like, we helped each other decorating our babies’ rooms, attended prenatal classes together…We even decided that our babies were going to get married one day haha! Since our babies were born, we’ve been having Sunday rituals, where we plan an outing together or a BBQ at home, and both families get together – the kids can play around and be as loud as they want, while we get some adult time in as well. No matter how hyper or cranky the kids are, we don’t feel bad or judged.
Let’s face it, when you are a mom you ain’t got no time for drama and gossip in your life, so choose your friends wisely. You want a friend who’s supportive, loving, and understanding of the limited amount of time you have to socialize. You want friends who understand what you’re going through, and who you can rant to about feeling like a bad mom without being judged. You want a friend who can remind you of how great a mother you are when you are at your lowest.
A great mom friend understands that you crave some adult time and will do anything to make plans, or even be okay with you cancelling your plans at the very last minute because your kid is not in the best mood, or just because you’re simply too tired.
Here are some tips that you can keep in mind if you have a Mama Friend:
- Make sure you remind your mama friend How Good of a Mother she is. Questions like “Is your baby sleeping through the night” or “Why did you stop breastfeeding” would only make a mother feel like a failure.
- Offer Help even if she doesn’t ask for it. There is no doubt your mama friend is sleep deprived, exhausted, hungry, you name it. Don’t wait for her to ask for help, just do it! Whether it’s a 5 minute car ride and a take-out coffee without the baby, or just bringing take-away food to save the day, a new mother will never forget these little gestures!
- Make it about Her and not only the Baby. Now this a very important point, as everybody seems to notice the little ones, and forget about the mother. It’s normal! Who can resist babies? But a new mom also needs a lot of attention, and often needs a shoulder to cry on!
- Remind your new mama friend to Take Care of Herself First. New mothers prioritize their babies and that’s normal, but they also tend to forget about themselves, which can be quite devastating after a while. Be a supportive friend, and book a massage for two, or just take her to the hairdresser, it will definitely put her in a better mood.
- Respect her privacy. Having a new baby on board is life changing. Give your mama friend some time to adjust to her new lifestyle, and always remind her that you’re there whenever she’s ready to get out of her bubble!